Sometimes it's essential to set boundaries and kick some people out of your life. It's actually a very healthy thing to do in some extreme situations. Moving on from people who mistreat you may be the best thing for your mental health. Unfortunately, the unexpected often happens at the most inopportune moments. If a loved one passed away during a time period when you were estranged from them, your grief can be quickly complicated by the challenge of figuring out how to handle their funeral. Handle it in a way that honors your loved one and simultaneously protects yourself.
Reach Out to Your Closest Family Members
When you get the bad news, reach out to the family members who are close to your heart. Explain how you are feeling and explain what you want. You may feel united in your grief, and the family may want you to be involved in the funeral. You may suggest one of the following ways of being a part of the funeral:
- Give a eulogy in which you acknowledge the estrangement but focus on the wonderful things about the person.
- Contribute to the services in some other way such as singing a song or reading a poem. That can allow you to respect the person while not personally speaking on their character or other issues that you might still have with the person.
- Attend the funeral without being a part of the service itself. This can allow you to blend into the crowd a little better and not have to answer questions from people who may have known about the estrangement.
- Stay away from the funeral but send a memorial gift or donate to a charity in memory of the lost loved one. If it is too potentially painful, that may be the best option.
- Watch children during the service to allow closer family members to go. Simply offering a special way that you can comfort other people in the family and empowering them to attend the services can be a big help.
You may want to discuss other ways that you help with the funeral director. There are many different things that you can do to be a part of the funeral service, and communicating with family about what they are willing to accept is the best way to get a feel for how you can best pay your respects to the deceased.
See a Therapist
Although you may think that you can easily handle the pain that comes with losing a loved one, it can take its emotional toll on a short-term basis and a long-term basis. Therapy can help you work through the loss as well as forgive yourself and the deceased for any unresolved anger. If you can see a therapist before the funeral, they can help you plan or this situation that may be fraught with stress for multiple reasons.
Finally, keep in mind that you are not obligated to go to anyone's funeral. You are the best judge of how you are feeling and the worth that you would find in attending the memorial service. As long as you reach out to the deceased person's closest family members and consider their feelings in making your decisions, you will be honoring the lost loved one in the best way you can.
Contact a business like Danks-Hinski Funeral Home for more information.